In a self-indulgent post on Truth Social, Donald Trump declared that he’s “hotter” than Taylor Swift – the global superstar, billionaire, Time Person Of The Year, and the reason Ticketmaster had to hire trauma counselors.
But, according to Trump, she’s no longer hot. Why, You may be wondering? Because he uttered the magic words: “I hate Taylor Swift.” And everyone knows everything that comes out of Trump’s mouth, is indisputable. And with those four words, her entire appeal was wiped out.
Swift lost all hope of every winning the coveted title of Miss America, and alpha males no longer found her attractive enough to masturbate to. It would seem the MAGA base’s libido is under Trump’s executive command.
“She’s no longer hot. I’m hotter than she is, and she knows it, everybody knows it,” Trump told a nodding Sean Hannity on Fox News. “I mean, look at her. Her nose is too big, her eyes are too big, her mouth is too big. She never shuts it. She’s always complaining about me doing things I’ve never done before – like wearing a hairpiece, dyeing my skin orange, wearing diapers, and eating little kids’ ice cream cones. I love kids, but I would never eat their ice cream cones. That’s insane. She’s a childish cat lady. She endorsed Kambala Harris, the childish cat lady…”
“Don’t you mean childless?” Hannity corrected him. “And I believe she has two kids.”
Trump waved it off. “Yeah, that too. And she’s still a childish cat lady. And they’re also childish cat ladies. They probably eat cat food too, like Taylor Swift wift does. Wouldn’t doubt they’re also eating the cats and dogs like those Haitian refugees.”
The President Rambles About Childish Cat Ladies
Media reactions were swift and gloriously unfiltered.
“He’s like a child that can’t help himself,” said MSNBC’s Stephanie Ruhle. “The verbal diarrhea is mind-blowing. He makes no sense when he speaks. It’s amazing to me that anybody takes this guy seriously. A four-year old makes more sense – and has better hair.”
“I think he’s just telling truth to power,” NewsNation’s On Balance host, Leland Vittert shrugged. “At least he didn’t fall asleep. President Trump is the first honest president we’ve ever had – if you don’t count the 34 felony convictions.”
Meanwhile over at The View, Joy Behar said, “Taylor Swift has more Grammys than Trump has brain cells. Of course he thinks he’s hotter – he’s sweating orange through every pore.”
Even Rolling Stone joined the fray with a headline that read: Trump Claims He’s Hotter Than Taylor Swift: World Laughs So Hard It Pulls A Hamstring.
For her part, Taylor Swift remained silent, apparently too busy selling out six continents to notice the commotion in the MAGA corner of the internet.
The Weekly News 