President Joe Biden – otherwise known as “Sleepy Joe” and “Stuttering Joe” to his right-wing critics – delivered his first address to the nation March 11. It was a short speech that many found boring, touching on making vaccinations available to all Americans by the first of May, boosting the economy, re-opening schools safely, and holding the former president accountable for his pandemic failures.
Most viewers who tuned in to the address found it so boring, they either fell asleep or died of boredom. It was Joe Biden’s first televised speech since becoming president, and many viewers were expecting him to stutter his way through the entire speech or fall asleep in front of the cameras creating a national scandal that Fox News would harp on for the next four years.
Those viewers who struggled to keep themselves from succumbing to sleep or death from boredom, found the speech either sensible or unintelligible. Those who found it sensible praised Biden’s leadership, while some of his critics had rather silly and nonsensical reactions. The following are just a few of the silliest and embarrassing reactions to the president’s address.
Fox News contributor and The Federalist publisher, Ben Domenech – AKA Mr. Meghan McCain – on the Fox Business Network:
“This just another speech from a senile old fart who thinks he’s in charge of things, but it’s actually his wife – who also thinks she’s a real doctor – who’s in charge of everything. I almost fell asleep, like most people who watched it. I could feel my eyelids drooping with every boring word, terrified that at any moment I would fall into the black hole of death. It was so boring it was as if they had gotten the alien mannequin from that Star Trek episode to play Biden. I can’t remember the name of the episode , but it was the one that featured Ron Howard’s brother. I don’t think it would have mattered if they had, most people probably would have thought it was him anyway, since he actually looks like a mannequin. But dear God I could! And thank God I had tons of coffee on hand to fight off impending death!”
The other members of the panel laughed as if it were the funniest joke they had ever heard.
Fox News contributor Katie Pavlich tweeted:
“Sleepy Joe’s boring speech was the highlight of his presidency – his first major scandal. In one speech he managed to put half America to sleep and the other half to death through boredom. One half of 331,000,000 have died due to Biden’s speech. That’s more than 165,500,000. That’s more than twice as many that died of COVID. Will the media take responsibility and hold him accountable or blame it on Trump like they did with the coronavirus?
“Joe Biden isn’t a moderate. He’s a big government tyrant killing Americans with his boring speeches.”
Former governor Mike Huckabee:
“I almost ruptured my sphincter laughing at Biden’s ridiculous speech – until I broke wind. When he started patting himself on the back for taking credit for the vaccines made possible by Trump, it was the first time in my adult life I could have used a quality diaper.”
“I swear to God if I almost didn’t fall asleep listening to Joe Biden’s incredibly boring speech. Nothing can put me to sleep faster. I was lucky to be wearing my favorite pair of Pampers – the ones with the logo that I designed for the Ted Nugent super hero character, SpongeTed Squishy Pants – which I had just soiled when he failed to give Trump credit for the vaccines. The smell of my own diaper acted as a natural smelling salt that prevented me from falling in a stupor or death.”
“We already knew Joe Biden couldn’t read a speech off a teleprompter without falling asleep. But in this case he managed to stay awake while putting millions into either a coma or death.
“It was the most boring speech I’ve ever heard. It was like watching one of those Warner cartoons – Sleepy-Time Possum, I think it was. I kept expecting to see Ma Possum rush out to bash Junior over the head with her bread kneader or Pa Possum to put on a dog suit to scare him into doing his chores – which in this case would be thanking Trump for the vaccines.”
Most Americans – even those who had fallen into stupors and comas – found the president’s speech sensible, despite a lack of stimuli. Those who had unfortunately succumbed to death, had no opinions.
The Weekly News 