Posted in John Hawkins, satire

Obama Wants To Eat Your Kids

Aviary Photo_131066935447578748  Michelle Obama released her cook book ‘American Grown‘ in the summer of 2012. Since it’s release , she has campaigned tirelessly to get Americans , and especially children to exercise with her Let’s Move America campaign , and to eat healthier with her school lunch program. But true patriotic Americans are not buying it. And neither are students and their parents. They are fed up with the First Lady , and are letting her know it.

While most people probably couldn’t care less , some Americans – notably , Conservatives – see this attempt by the First Lady as something much more sinister. As most well-informed Conservative Republicans know , the Obama’s are pure evil and are bent on destroying America and everything it stands for. So it is no surprise that the First Lady would implement such a program. To them , it is just another attempt by the Obama’s to further limit our freedoms  , and ultimately destroy America.

I talked recently with Sarah Palin , who voiced her concerns about this program.

“Michelle Obama thinks she has everyone fooled with her Healthy , Hunger Free Kids Act ,” she said. “But if you watch Fox News , Glen Beck ,  and other conservative media that are not afraid to report the truth , then you know for a fact that she’s not fooling everybody. The only ones who are being fooled are the communist liberals who believe the lies of the communist liberal media. We know the truth about this deceitful program , and we have the facts. Most Americans believe it is nothing more than a harmless program to provide healthier school lunches. But the truth is that this program is designed to allow communist liberal  , Marxist , Nazi , gay Muslims to further infiltrate and control our public and private schools by telling our children what they can and cannot eat.

“First they’re removing God from public and private schools , and replacing Christianity with their Godless Muslim religion , and now this. This is exactly how communist liberal , Nazis , Marxist , gay Muslims behave. And the Obama’s have been behaving this way ever since Barack’s first election. And Americans are getting fed up with it. But thank God these communist liberal , Marxist , Nazi , gay Muslim tyrant dictators won’t be in power much longer. I just hope they don’t take our guns away and throw us all in Fema camps before that happens.”

Victoria Jackson , conservative blogger , and writer , has expressed her own concerns about this seemingly innocent program. And while her concerns may seem reasonable to some , they are certainly bizarre.

“There is nothing innocent about it ,” she said. “I believe it’s more than just an attempt to get our kids to eat  healthier. When I first heard about this program , I suspected there was something more to it. I began to question the purpose behind the program. Could it really be a harmless attempt to get Kids interested in exercising and eating right? Or is it something to be suspicious about? They are communists , after all , and communists are evil and everything they do is evil. And that’s when it hit me. It wasn’t something harmless. It was something so unbelievable , and so sinister that most of us would never believe it. I believe it is a subtle attempt to gain total control of our schools and our kids for a much more sinister purpose. And I believe that purpose is to get as many students as possible ,  so sick and tired of all the healthy crap they will be force-fed with this program , that they will gorge themselves on as much junk food as they can. And when enough of them are plump and fat enough , they will be in invited to a special surprise dinner at the White House , and then they will find out what Michelle Obama’s school lunch program is really all about. But by then , it will be too late for them. There will be no hope.

“Remember that Twilight Zone episode , To Serve Man , where the aliens who all looked like Lurch from the Addams Family, came to earth to eat everybody? Well , I wrote a book called ,  To Serve Obama : How Barack Obama The Kenyan , Voodoo , Muslim CannibalPlans To Eat Our Kids , With Michelle Obama’s School Lunch Program. It’s a wake up call to warn Americans of Michelle’s book , American Grown , which is really nothing more than a  cook book.

” Please read it , and take action. We must impeach the communist liberal , Nazi , Marxist , gay , cannibal Muslim before he eats all of our kids!”

Posted in John Hawkins, satire

Proof That Conservatives Are More Intelligent Than Liberals

 Liberals love to brag about how smart they are compared to conservatives. But there have been numerous studies to prove them wrong. Conservatives are more informed , and better educated than liberals. Below are the most common misconceptions that liberals are more intelligent.

 Liberals believe they are experts at everything. Religion , politics , science , education , and life in general.

 Religion …

  Liberals claim that religion is man-made , therefore a myth , a fairy tale.

Fact : This is only partially true. Most of the world religions are indeed man-made. Christianity is the only one true religion , since it was divinely inspired by God. The other existing religions are frauds , fakes , copy cats , inspired by the devil.

 Because liberals tend to be Godless , they mistakenly believe that they have morals. However , numerous studies have disproved this. In one such study , an atheist liberal , and a God-fearing Christian were given pornography to look at. The Godless atheist liberal could not restrain himself , and was tempted to masturbate  again and again , while the God-fearing Christian was able to restrain himself with a simple prayer.

Fact : Conservatives , who are Christians , have morals , which are given to them by  God. In other words , conservatives are moral as a result of their religious beliefs. Liberals tend to be Godless , lacking any religious beliefs , instead embracing a belief in atheism , or any number of Godless religions , such as Islam , deism , or Hinduism. By nature , they are Godless , and are completely lacking in morals , as I alluded to in the above study.

 Conservatives , as a result of their Christian beliefs , lead happier , more fulfilling lives , are more open-minded , are more accepting of new ideas and points of view , and are better problem solvers. Godless communist liberals , because they are completely lacking in morals , are unhappy , mean , close minded , bigoted , racist , people , un accepting of other points of view , and are not very good at solving problems.

Conservatives believe that all life is sacred. Godless communist liberals have no qualms about murdering innocent unborn children , but often try to justify this behavior by accusing Christians of being hypocrites when it comes to children who are gunned down in public schools by the mentally ill. They accuse Christians of opposing stricter gun laws , so by their reasoning  , they must not really care. But the truth is , the only laws Christians and conservatives oppose , are the dictatorial laws mandated by the evil tyrant Obama , who wants to take their guns away , throw everyone – but Godless communist liberals – into Fema camps , turning America into a Godless communist dictatorship , and will do so by any means necessary.

Science …

 Godless communist liberals believe in science. But any God-fearing Christian conservative knows that all aspects of science are just non sense. Liberals  believe in evolution. , the theory that life forms evolve into other life forms. They believe that life began by random chance , that two cells had intercourse , and poof! a new life form came into being. However , there has never been any credible evidence to support this theory. According to the book of Genesis , God created all life as it is , less than seven thousand years ago. Liberals also believe in the theory of global warming , that the earth is slowly getting hotter due to the effects of man-made green house gases in the atmosphere.

Fact : There is no credible evidence for any of these theories. Just ask any scientist , and they will tell you that. They are nothing more than a Godless communist plot to brainwash Americans into accepting a Godless communist dictatorship.

Education

Godless communist liberals believe in free education for all. They believe that public schools should teach only the basics , history , science , math. They believe that religion should have no role in public schools , and even though they have succeeded in removing God from public and private schools , they claim that children still have the right to pray.

Fact : Because God has been removed from public schools , no child has ever been allowed to pray , or even mention His name for fear of persecution. Ever since the evil tyrant Obama took office for the first time , Christians have been persecuted like never before. Teachers have been doused in tar and feathers , and in more extreme cases have been fired for merely mentioning the name of God in classrooms all over America. Students who dare stand up for their faith , are ridiculed , laughed at , called delusional , covered in silly string , also tarred and feathered  , and sometimes even expelled.

Liberals whine about Christians mentioning God or prayer in public schools. They are always crying about separation of church and state , which they claim is in the constitution , but say nothing when Muslims are allowed to teach their Godless religion.  Muslims have been infiltrating our public and private schools since Obama set foot in the White House , and he has always encouraged them – he is a Muslim , after all – to hold prayer vigils , readings from the Koran , and all manner of Godless Muslim activities.

 Communists have also infiltrated our public and private schools. They’ve been doing it since the nineteen fifties. Science is just one way they been doing it. Teaching foreign languages is another. Liberalism is the greatest communist threat to the public and private school system. It’s the foundation of communism. The communist liberal professors out number the conservatives by more than half , proving the existence of a communist liberal conspiracy to brainwash not only the youth of America , but everyone else as well , and to spread the communist menace.

 Politics

 When it comes to politics , liberals take the cake. This is the area in which they deem themselves not just experts , but the ultimate in authority. According to a liberal , they are always right. Anyone who disagrees with them is either a Nazi or a racist bigot. They support free speech , but only when it comes to expressing their own views and opinions. Arguing with them is useless. They always ignore facts , and when conservatives rely on facts to back their own views and opinions , liberals often resort to name calling like the immature progressives they really are. They can’t stand it when a well-informed conservative criticizes Obama , Hillary Clinton , or the communist liberal media. They are so blinded in their devotion to their ideology , they are incapable of seeing the truth when it’s right under their noses.

When a conservative tells the truth about Obama or Clinton , it’s a lost cause. Liberals don’t want to hear the truth about either one of them. They would rather believe the lies of the communist liberal media. It doesn’t matter that Hillary Clinton is lying about her emails – or the fact that she has ordered the murders of dozens of people who have dared to tell the truth about her – or that Obama is a tyrant that is destroying America with his executive orders , his financial and moral support – which includes flowers , love letters , and all sorts of goodies – of Al Qaeda , the Muslim Brotherhood , or the fact that he is taking the guns away from patriotic gun loving Americans , and will ultimately throw them all in Fema camps. This means nothing to liberals. They would rather pretend that everything is alright in their political bubble , while the economy , free speech , and personal freedoms are destroyed by Barack Obama and his evil , communist , Nazi , Muslim , liberal progressive administration.