Posted in Victoria Jackson/satire

How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It

Tea Party conservatives have believed for years that Barack Obama is a phony and a fraud. They believe he won the elections with the help of his communist friends in Acorn , with Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless of America , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead – not the TV series. How else could he have become president? After all , he’s not really an American , according to birthers , many of whom still insist that he was really born in Kenya to communist parents , and personally mentored by Bill Ayers , Saul Alinsky , and Frank Marshall Davis , who were also communists.

Then there are  those who believe that he won the elections through a much more sinister method. To them , the elections were manipulated by the mole beside Obama’s nose  , otherwise known as Julio Obama , Barack’s evil twin brother , who , according to Victoria Jackson , is the Anti-Christ.

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Victoria Jackson. Insane Tea Party patriot. Frequent and favorite guest of the Fox News audience.

Victoria , an insane Tea Party patriot , and conservative blogger , has convinced many of her fellow party members and legions of fans that she is quite sane. She’s written several gems about Barack Obama , including , Barack’s Magic Pen , and To Serve Obama. She’s appeared several times on Fox to promote her ridiculous books. Her latest book , even more insane than her last one , How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It , is scheduled to be released by Obama Haters Tea Party Patriot Survival Club , early next year.

 She’s appeared numerous times on Fox’s The Kelly File , with Megan Kelly. Recently she  was invited back to talk about her latest gem. Apparently , her fans still can’t get enough of her , and are just as insane as she is.

Megan : “Victoria , welcome back.”

Victoria : “Thanks for having me back again , Megan. I really appreciate it.”

Megan : “Well , like I said last time you were here , don’t thank me. It wasn’t my idea to have you here. The only reason you’re here is because every time you make an appearance , the ratings sky-rocket. You have your fans to thank for that.”

Victoria : “How nice.”

Megan : “The last time you were here , you said president Obama won the elections through voter fraud , with his communist friends in Acorn , and also with Mickey Mouse , Donald Duck , the homeless , illegal immigrants , and the walking dead -“

Victoria : “Not the TV show.”

Megan : “Not the TV show. But , the last time you were on Hannity , you said that the mole beside the president’s nose – “

Victoria : “Julio.”

Megan : Julio. Is the Anti-Christ.”

Victoria : “Yes , that’s right.”

Megan : “I can’t believe I’m about to ask this. Was he also involved in the plot to rig the elections?”

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Megan still can’t believe how crazy Victoria Jackson is , and how anyone can possibly find her credible , as she shamelessly hawks her latest idiotic and insane book – How Barack Obama Really Stole The Elections : God Told Me Julio Made Him Do It – on The Kelly File.

Victoria : “Of course , he was. It was all his idea. You see , Obama isn’t smart enough to think of it on his own , even though liberals and progressives – who are really communists – claim he was a constitutional scholar. He really wasn’t. He really doesn’t know anything about it , which is why he’s always shredding it , because he’s incompetent. To prove just how incompetent he is  , do you know that he recently shredded the constitution in a salad and fed it to his family , and communist friends , the Democrats? Yeah , he really did! Anyway , it was Julio Obama’s idea to rig the elections.”

Megan : “And how do you know all of this?”

Victoria : “Didn’t you read the book?”

Megan : “No , I haven’t. I still haven’t finished the last one.”

Victoria : “Why not?”

Megan : “Well … to be honest ,  it’s kind of  idiotic , and insane.”

Victoria : “No , it’s not , it’s the truth. You would know that if you bothered to read it.”

Megan : “I promise to read it , after I finish with the last one. Now tell me , how do  you know all of this?”

Victoria : “Oh , alright. But you better read both of them , or I swear this is the last time you’ll see me here.”

Megan : “I doubt that.”

Victoria : “God told me.”

Megan : “God told you?”

Victoria : “Yes , God told me.”

Megan : “God told you that Obama rigged the elections? God told you that the president’s mole is the Anti-Christ?”

Victoria : “No , Megan , haven’t you been paying attention?! Jeez! God told me that Obama rigged the elections , but he didn’t tell me that Julio Obama is the Anti-Christ. You really need to get out more! Someone I met at a FBI meeting told me that Julio is Obama’s … wait … Obama’s mole is … the Anti-Christ. Yeah , that’s it.”

Megan : “Alright. So , let me see if I can get this straight. God told you that the president rigged the elections , but someone  else told you that Julio Obama – his mole – is the Anti-Christ?”

Victoria : “That’s right.”

Megan : “So , you met this stranger who told you that Obama’s mole is the Anti-Christ , and that its name is Julio , and you believed it? How do you know they weren’t  making it up just to get a reaction out of you? I mean , you’ve promoted some crazy ideas before. Maybe they were just putting you on.”

Victoria : “What crazy ideas? Everything I’ve said about Obama is the truth. And his moles name really is Julio! God told me that , too!”

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Megan laughing hysterically at hearing how Victoria learned that God told her Obama’s mole was named Julio.

Megan ( laughing ) : ‘Oh , my God! Oh , Lord! Oh , Jesus Christ , God almighty! Jesus , Mary , and Joseph! ( she laughs so hard that she nearly falls out of her seat ) OK , Well , I’m confused again. More than I was the last time you were here. You said God told you that Obama rigged the elections , but before that , you said he wasn’t smart enough  , that it was all Julio’s idea. Did God tell you that , too , or did you figure that out on your own?” ( she bursts out laughing again , and this time she does fall out of her seat ).

Megan : “Julio made him do it! Oh , God! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” ( another fit of laughter ).

Victoria : “It’s not funny , Megan! There’s no reason to be so mean!”

Megan : “I’m not being mean , I’m just – ” ( she bursts out laughing again ).

Victoria : “I warned you , Megan. This is my last appearance on your show.”

Megan : “Oh , I seriously doubt that , Victoria.”

Victoria : “Oh yeah? Watch me.”

 

 

Posted in satire/humor

Obama The Duck

 Long before Barack Obama was even elected president , xenophobes , and racists  perceived  him as the Bogey Man , due to the rhetoric and propaganda pushed by Republicans. They believed all kinds of nonsense about him that wasn’t true.  He was a foreigner , a socialist , a communist , gay , a gay Muslim  , an alien , even the Anti-Christ. They are all ridiculous and childish reasons to be afraid of someone. That is , unless you’re living in a fantasy world where reality has no basis in fact , which is where many of today’s Conservatives don’t seem to mind living.

Since the moment Obama set foot in the White House , Republicans in congress and their supporters , have deliberately set out to discredit him. They have done everything they can to smear his name and reputation. They have used fear of a black man with a Muslim name – Hussein – in the White House , because they would rather have a white man as president. If he walks like a duck , talks like a duck , he must be a duck. In other words , he has a Muslim name , so he must be a socialist communist , Nazi , racist , gay Muslim duck.

There have been many  examples of Republican fear mongering. Death panels in the Affordable Care Act , more affectionately known as Obama Care among Conservatives :

July 16 , 2009 , Former lieutenant governor of New York , Betsy McCaughey claimed that section 1233 of the Affordable Care Act would give bureaucrats the right to decide who would live and who would die among the elderly and the disabled. It was repeated by the likes of Sean Hannity , Laura Ingraham , Rush Limbaugh , and Glen Beck.

July 24th , in a New York Post article , she claimed presidential advisor , Ezekiel Emanuel , said the elderly and disabled are not entitled to health care.

August 7th , on her Facebook page , Sarah Palin used the term “death panel” , in a post on the Affordable Care Act ,  which was quickly picked up and spread around the internet , and by others in the conservative media.

At the 2013 Values Voters summit in Washington , Ben Carson claimed that the Affordable Care Act was the worst thing in America since slavery , that it had more to do with control than health care.

Race baiting …

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Obama the Marxist socialist communist , Nazi , white culture hating racist , America hating , gay Muslim duck. Quack.

July 28 , 2009 ,  on his Fox News show , Glen Beck referred to the president as a white culture hating racist. Apparently , to Glen , it didn’t matter that his mother , Ann Dunham , was also white. He hates white people , so by Glen’s logic , he hated his mother , and therefore must be a racist duck.

Michelle Bachman’s 2010 Western Conservative Summit speech , complaining that Obama had turned America into a nation of slaves.

July 9 , 2010 , Glen beck whining about the New Black Panthers as Obama’s army of thugs. And in November of 2014 , lamenting that Obama’s executive action on immigration would most likely lead to a race war.

In a Fox interview , Palin accused the president of pining to return to the days when America was divided by different economic classes and skin color.

February 26 , 2012 , Trayvon Martin was fatally shot by George Zimmerman. Supposedly Zimmerman shot him in self-defense , after Martin discovered that Zimmerman had been following him. An altercation ensued , with Martin ending up dead. The Conservative media was quick and eager to jump to Zimmerman’s defense , portraying Martin as a thug ,  that he had gotten what he deserved.  Zimmerman was eventually charged with manslaughter , but was acquitted after trial. Soon after the acquittal , Obama in his remarks about the case , said that ‘it could have been him’ at that age , and expressing concern that these types of events happen all too often. The conservative media , in predictable fashion , went bonkers , accusing the president of race baiting , for daring to compare himself with Martin , while conveniently ignoring that those who defend and condone the murder of a black teenager wearing a hoodie , and reportedly armed only with a bag of skittles while committing no crime , are the true race baiters.

The Birther nonsense :

During the 2008 democratic primaries , speculations of Obama’s place of birth surfaced. It was quickly spread by every Conservative media outlet. Later that year Obama released his official birth certificate. In April , 2011 , he released a copy of his original certificate of live birth. Racists , bigots , and conspiracy fanatics , were convinced they were fakes.

August 2009 , Orly Taitz revealed a fake Kenya birth certificate. She was hoping to convince racists , bigots , and conspiracy freaks that it was genuine.

General fear mongering , some of which has crossed the border of idiocy , and into the realm of lunacy :

  • Obama is a Muslim loving terrorist , who sides with Islam. He loves them so much that he’s actually executed quite a few to prove it. Some intellectuals like Sarah Palin , and Rush Limbaugh have even suggested that he has droned them with flowers , candy , and other goodies.
  • He’s works For the Muslim Brotherhood , and has aided them by giving them jobs in the White House ( see Dana Leosch’s video , Jobs For Jihadis ).
  • He’s arming ISIS – while simultaneously bombing them ( see first paragraph ). Go figure.
  • He hates America. According to Victoria Jackson , in her book Barack’s Magic Pen , she claims he is destroying the country  by “shredding” – with his magic pen – the constitution with his unlawful executive actions , despite the fact that every president has issued executive actions. If that makes him a dictator  , he’s certainly not the first American tyrant.
  • He hates Christians. He’s persecuting them by supporting same -sex marriage , which proves he himself is gay , and which also proves – according to Victoria Jackson – that he’s a Muslim , since Muslim’s obviously endorse homosexuality.
  • He is disarming America. Paranoid gun loving fanatics like Ted Nugent ,  Jan Morgan , and their millions of cohorts , have bemoaned the absurdity of Obama coming for their guns since the moment  he took office. Jan wrote a book about her displeasure with Obama The Gun Grabber , How Obummer And Liberals Are Destroying The Second Amendment God Given Rights of Patriotic Gun Loving Americans. So far he has yet to confiscate a single fire arm.
  • Jade Helm. He’s invading Texas as a prelude to martial law. As a prelude to gun confiscation. As a prelude to throwing patriotic , paranoid gun loving fanatics into friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart stores that have been converted into Fema prison camps. As a prelude to taking over America and turning it into a third world communist dictatorship. Well , Jade Helm has since passed. Patriotic gun loving fanatics have not been rounded up , nor have their guns been taken away.
  • He’s destroying the economy. Well , not exactly. Anyone who seriously believes this , is living in denial. All one has to do is some fact checking to see that the economy has improved. Job numbers are five times higher than they were under the entire Bush economy , and unemployment is at least 5.6 %. But , its common knowledge among the average Obama hating conservative that facts have a liberal bias , and Obummer and the liberals have actually wrecked the economy beyond all repair.
  • Benghazi was a cover up , a scandal. Obama deliberately left four Americans to die , because he’s a Muslim who loves his Muslim brothers more than he loves America. Numerous investigations have said otherwise. And yet republicans continue to waste taxes with endless investigations that have proved nothing.
  • He’s the Anti-Christ. This is one of the most ridiculous claims , right up there with ‘he’s a Muslim’. According to Victoria Jackson in her book , The Mole That Is Not Really A Mole In The White House , Barack and his evil conjoined twin , Julio , plan to over throw America just before he leaves office.
  • He wants to eat Americas kids. Another ridiculous claim by Victoria Jackson , supported by her book , To Serve Obama.

The Republicans  and their allies in the conservative media will continue to use fear and misinformation as a means to persuade their supporters to vote against their own interests as long as Obama is in the White House. To those who wish to deny fact and truth , and instead choose to live in fantasy land , Obama will always be a socialist Marxist communist , Nazi , white culture hating racist , America hating , gay Muslim duck. Quack.

Posted in satire

Obama Shreds Constitution , Uses Shavings As A Salad Topping

As the democratic presidential debates are scheduled to begin this Fall ,  the Obama’s are looking forward to serving a  special dinner in honor of the candidates. It is a dinner that is held every four years at the White House. But this  dinner will be particularly special  , as the Obama’s will shred several copies of the constitution and use the shavings as a salad topping. The president has been accused of shredding the constitution multiple times during his presidency , but this will be the only occasion that this has literally been done.

As the Obama’s announced their plan to shred the constitution  in  a statement to the press , the reactions from their critics were , as usual , predictable.

Fox News interrupted its regular programming to run a twenty-four hour special  condemning the Obama’s. Guest commentators included Sarah Palin , Rush Limbaugh ,  and  many others.

“Who does Obama think he is?” Sarah Palin said indignantly. “For six years we have watched this tyrant demonstrate his hatred of freedom and liberty by shredding the constitution with his executive orders , his support of the LGBT gay Gestapo , persecuting Christians , his support of Muslim terrorists by sending them flowers and assorted goodies in drones , giving Al Qaeda terrorists jobs in the White House , and allowing them to teach their Godless Muslim religion in our public and private schools. And now this! Shredding the constitution to feed it to his communist liberal friends in a salad , for Pete sake! Isn’t Thousand Island dressing – or any number of dressings for that matter – good enough for them? What about Wyler’s seasoned salt? That’s what I prefer on my salad. Certainly not the constitution. What will they do with it next? Substitute it for sugar in Sasha and Malia’s cereal , for God sake? That’s a fine example to set for your kids. This is just one more example of how the Obama’s hate America and everything it stands for!”

Rush Limbaugh said ,”It knew this day was coming folks. I made this prediction just last month. I predicted that the Obama administration was coming for our freedom and our guns. And I was right. This is it! This so-called dinner party is just the beginning of the end. The Obama Youth Brigade will be called out , along with his other army , the Black Panther Youth Of America Thugs , and the pillaging , the rioting and the race war will begin.”

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Glen Beck lamenting the demise of America for the umpteenth time on his radio show.

Glen Beck gave an impassioned speech on his radio show , moving not only himself to tears , but his co-hosts , Pat and Stu , and his entire audience of listeners. Many of them called in to cry along with him.

“I’m sorry for the tears , ladies and gentlemen , and patriotic gun loving Americans ,” he said , pausing to blow his nose. “I normally don’t cry at all. But today is a special occasion for tears. I just love my country so much that it breaks my heart to see it destroyed on a daily basis by this socialist Marxist communist , Nazi , gay Muslim administration.

“Very soon , life as we know it will cease to exist. We are living in the last days as foretold in the book of Revelations. The Anti-Christ , Barack Obama , and his satanic minions plan to  shred the constitution of the United States , serve it in a salad to  the evil liberal democrats  , declare martial law , take our guns away , and throw us all into Fema camps. Never mind that I once said I could find no evidence for their existence. That doesn’t really matter right now.

“Are you afraid , ladies and gentlemen , and patriotic gun loving Americans? If you’re not , well , you should be. If you think this is a joke , well , it’s not. The America that you and I love with all of our God-fearing hearts , will be taken away from us , and the communist liberal , socialist , Nazi , gay Muslim take over of the United States – that you and I have feared all of our lives , that the John Birch Society has tirelessly warned us of – will finally come to pass. There is no hope for the future , ladies and gentlemen. Please join me in a moment of silence , as we remember America as it once was.”

In a response to the media back lash over the announcement to shred copies of the constitution and use the shavings as a salad topping , Michelle Obama declared that it had been nothing more than a hoax to get a reaction from their conservative critics ,  and like a hungry fish , the lame stream media eagerly took the bait.

Posted in John Hawkins, satire

One Hundred Ways To Spot A Communist Liberal – Part 8

Aviary Photo_1310842801347203611) They don’t believe Santa Claus is white.

2) They don’t believe the world is flat.

3) They believe the moon controls the oceans tides.

4) They refer to Duck Dynasty as Dick Dynasty.

5) They don’t believe the Pope is the Anti – Christ.

6) They believe Glen Beck is a cry baby.

7) They don’t believe Obama went to Mars in his youth.

8) They believe that man created God.

9) They believe in alien life.

10) They believe Caitlyn Jenner is now a liberal.

If any of your friends believe any of the above , they are Godless communist liberals , and in urgent need of mental therapy.