In The News Last Week: Donald Trump Delivers Bizarre, Slur-Ridden Speech At Mar-A-Lago Donor Retreat – Was He Drunk, High, Or Simply Being Himself?

In The News Last Week: Donald Trump Delivers Bizarre, Slur-Ridden Speech At Mar-A-Lago Donor Retreat – Was He Drunk, High, Or Simply Being Himself?

Certain words and events have been changed for humorous effect.

Trump before his bizarre speech at Mar-a-Lago.

Speaking to a group of Republican donors at his Mar-A-Lago golf resort Saturday night, Donald Trump lambasted Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnel and Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Looking as if he were about to fall asleep standing up, Trump said, “That bitch… I mean that Mitch McConnel, I’ll tell you, he’s one dumb son-of-a butthead, don’t you think?”

The crowd cheered wildly, hissing and booing in agreement.

Ever since McConnell had the testicles to criticize him for his role in the Capitol riot, which he had referred to as “a disgraceful dereliction of duty,” Trump’s panties had been wadded into a bunch.

McConnell had been one of the forty-three Republicans to vote Trump not guilty of the charge of inciting the attack on the Capitol.

“There’s no question, none really, that president Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of that day,” McConnell said back in February. “No question about it. I mean, look, they listened to Trump whine and cry like a two year-old about an election he lost fair and square. They listened to him babble about haunted voting machines, the evil spirit of Hugo Chavez, the evilest Jew in the world – George Soros – Antifa, Captain Crunch, and Tony The Tiger working with China, Joe Biden and the Democrats to steal the election. The people who stormed this building believed they were acting on the wishes and instructions of their president. And having that belief was a foreseeable consequence of false statements, conspiracy theories and reckless hyperbole which the defeated president kept shouting into the largest megaphone on earth.”

Despite his criticism, McConnell voted not guilty because he believed Trump was “Constitutionally not eligible for conviction” given the fact that he was no longer president.

“Do you know he had the balls to criticize me after the, uhh… the ahh… that… uhh… whatever it was at the Clapitol,” Trump continued, stuttering and slurring some of his words. It was obvious that he was either drunk, high, or medicated on something, but no one noticed, or seemed to care. All they cared about was Trump. All eyes present were adorably fixated on Trump.

“The riot by Antifa!?” some joker in the audience shouted, and everyone laughed, this time with more gusto.

“That’s right,” Trump said. “It was Antifa. It had nothing to do with me! It was Antifa, and Sleepy Joe prodly put ’em to it. Anyway, you know what he said? He said it was “a definition of duty.”

The crowd laughed again. Trump thought they were laughing at how stupid they believed McConnell was for blaming him for the riot. But they weren’t laughing at McConnell. They were laughing at Trump’s description of McConnell’s criticism – “description of duty.” To them it probably conjured images of bowel movements or something similar, hence the laughter.

“That’s right. That guy’s a real boozer. He should take up drinking instead. He sucks at being a Senatorial. I heard his wife once to clean my toilets. She suffered so greatly… marrying Mitch… not cleaning my toilets. Did he ever tell you that? No? Did I ever tell you that? No? I guess he’s ashamed to have people know his wife cleans crap for a living… and married Mitch. Well, I guess it’s true what Democrats say about that guy, that loser. He looks like a pencil-neck greek masquerading as a tuttle. To me he looks more like that weasel in that Foghorn Leghorn cartoom from Warmer Brothers.”

The crowd laughed uproariously, still blissfully unaware that he was drunk or high… or just not caring.

Speaking on Anthony Fauci he said, “Have you ever seen any- bloody so full of clap?”

“Mitch McConnel?!” another joker shouted, although it sounded like the same guy.

The crowd once again erupted into laughter.

“That’s right,” Trump said. “No one’s more full of crap than that… that… that Mitch the pencil-neck tuttle. Except Dr. Gouci. Fist he said not to wear a mask, then he said to wear a mask, then he said to go outside, then he said to don’t go outside, play social distancing media instead. Well, which is it Dr. Nouci I assed him. I never wrote a mask when I went outside and I was fine until I got sick, but I was OK, they gave me all kinds of drugs to make feel better, just like I do now. I felt like Superman in Christian Slater. I should have wore my Superman cape to show everyone how strong I was, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, Donald!” the joker shouted. “Ain’t no one stronger than you! Not Superman, not Batman, not Spiderman, not Iron Man, and not even me!”

Most of the crowd laughed again, like they hadn’t heard anything so funny in ages. One old woman cackled so hard her dentures flew from her mouth and landed in the hair of a woman sitting in front of her. No one noticed or seemed to care, especially the woman whose hair it was stuck in. Another old lady with a face like a donkey snorted so hard, snot exploded from her nostrils splattering several people in front of her. No one noticed or seemed to care. An old man laughed until he literally crapped himself, farting explosively as he defecated. Again, no one noticed or seemed to care.

“They made fun of me when I said the corona beer virus would be gone by Easter, and when I said you can mix belch with Kool-aid and drink it to get rid of the virus, they thought I was crazy. They laughed. But I was right. A lot of people did it and were cured. I guess I showed ’em, am I right?”

“That’s right Donald!” the joker shouted again. “No one knows more than you do! Not Mitch the tuttle, not Dr. Nouci, and not even me!”

Trump babbled on for nearly forty more minutes, about space aliens wanting to eat his brain, Mexicans being bad people who want to eat his brain, the Democrats and Sleepy Joe stealing the election through Dominion voting machines, Hugo Chavez, Antifa, George Soros, Tony The Tiger, Captain Crunch… and space aliens who wanted not only to steal the election, but eat his brain.

He also babbled about the vaccines he claimed he had been responsible for and said they should have been called Donaldcines. The media, other than Fox News, Newsmax and OANN, had no idea what the whole thing was about.

Was he drunk? Was he high? Or was he simply being himself? Your guess is as good as anyone’s guess.

Trump Urges MAGA To “Cancel” Baseball After MLB Grows A Pair Of Balls

Trump Urges MAGA To “Cancel” Baseball After MLB Grows A Pair Of Balls

https://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/trump-urges-supporters-to-boycott-baseball-after-mlb-steps-out-in-favor-of-voting-rights

Donald Trump has called on his Make America Great Again supporters to “cancel” baseball after the MLB has had the testicles to grow a pair of balls. The decision to move the game from Atlanta was made due to the outcry over the controversial voting bill Governor Brian Kemp recently signed into law. Several Atlanta-based companies – including Coca-Cola, and Delta Airlines – have been critical of the new bill.

Democrats claim the bill is restrictive, while Republicans claim it provides expanded access to voting.

The MLB commissioner, Robert Manfred Jr, announced Friday on a Twitter post that both the All-Star game and the subsequent draft would be moved from Atlanta.

Major League Baseball fundamentally supports the voting rights of all Americans. ( Due to negative reaction to Governor Kemp’s controversial voting bill, we have decided to move the location of this year’s All-Star game, which will be announced at a later date. I know this decision will be met with negative backlash from certain people, but I have zero f***s to give.

The ensuing draft, which was also scheduled for Atlanta, will be held in another location, and will also likely be met with negative reaction, which may include – but not limited to – the burning of team jerseys, shoes, socks, and paraphernalia… but again, I have no f***s to give. All of my f***s were used up during president Trump’s awesome response to the pandemic.

Former president Trump, who has had difficulty with transparency – often while accusing his opponents of lacking transparency – “let the cat out of the bag” when he responded to the commissioner’s statement with his own statement via Save America PAC.

“With an attitude like that, it’s no wonder that baseball is losing tremendous numbers of fans,” Trump said, apparently unaware that a tremendous number of those fans were lost due to COVID restrictions, none of which he had anything to do with. “And now they’re moving their stadium with their All-Star game because they’re afraid of the Radical Left Democrats who do not want voter ( suppression ), which is desperately needed ( if we are to ever win another election ).

“Cancel baseball – like they cancelled us – and all of the woke companies that are interfering with Free and Fair elections ( by suppressing our right to suppress the vote of undocumented immigrants, Antifa and Black Lives Matter ). Are you listening Coke, Delta, and all! ( We don’t want to suppress anyone’s vote. Just the votes of the Radical Left who want everyone to vote. If we allowed everyone to vote, Antifa would burn down entire cities and incite riots and Black Lives Matter would march down our city streets chanting, ‘Republicans in a blanket, fry ’em like bacon.’ That’s why Governor Kemp wrote the new legislation. It has absolutely nothing to do with voter suppression.”

When asked for comment about the former president’s statement, Governor Kemp responded, “President Trump is right. That’s exactly why I wrote the bill. It has nothing to do with voter suppression.”

Kamala Harris Criticizes Trump on Pandemic: “He’s Been Too Preoccupied Fantasizing About Grabbing Women By The P*****s To Do His Job”

Kamala Harris Criticizes Trump on Pandemic: “He’s Been Too Preoccupied Fantasizing About Grabbing Women By The P*****s To Do His Job”

https://www.mediaite.com/tv/kamala-harris-attacks-trump-on-pandemic-claims-he-drove-obama-economy-down-while-pushing-miracle-cures-he-saw-on-fox-news/




Senatorial candidate Kamala Harris recently had some scathing criticisms for president Trump’s handling of the pandemic.

During a brief campaign stop in Cleveland, she told an enthusiastic crowd, “Six years ago we had a different health crisis. It was called Ebola. We all remember that pandemic, right? But you know what happened then? Barack Obama and Joe Biden did their job. Only two people died. Two. That’s what’s called leadership.

“( But the Republicans didn’t think so. Fox News didn’t think so. They said president Obama was incompetent and inept. They blew it into a national scandal on a scale with 9/11. They said he was allowing Ebola to infect Americans because he hated America, and he wanted reparations for slavery. They said he was using Ebola to confiscate guns. They screamed for his impeachment. Did he ask for reparations? No. Did he confiscate any guns? No.

“Four people died in Benghazi. They said it was a cover up. They blew it up into a national scandal. They said it was bigger than 9/11. They said he failed the American people. They did numerous investigations but couldn’t come up with any proof of a cover up. They screamed for his impeachment.

“Compare that to the moment that we now find ourselves in. When others were following the science,  ( Trump suggested injecting disinfectants, as apparently some did. He has even suggested that a good whiff of gas would make it – poof – just go away ‘like a miracle’, and I have no doubt some of his supporters tried that one too!”

The crowd laughed.

“He even suggested nuking the virus! Can you believe that?! I know I can’t. I mean, telling people to inject bleach was ridiculous enough, not to mention brown air, but where did he think they were going to get a nuke?”

The crowd laughed again.

“Can this president ever be bothered to take this virus seriously? Apparently not. He’s seems to be too preoccupied with fantasizing about grabbing women by the you-know-what’s ). And this is what happens when we elect a guy who just isn’t up for the job.”

Trump Destroys Bill Barr Over No Obama Indictments Before Election: ‘I’ll Tell Him It’s A Disgrace, And Then Sit On His Face”

Trump Destroys Bill Barr Over No Obama Indictments Before Election: ‘I’ll Tell Him It’s A Disgrace, And Then Sit On His Face”

https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-destroys-bill-barr-over-no-obama-indictments-before-election-thats-a-disgrace-and-ill-say-it-to-his-face/



From Mediate –


President Trump is livid with his Attorney General Bill Barr, over reports that no indictments of Obama officials will be handed down prior to the election.

Appearing on the Rush Limbaugh Show Friday, the syndicated radio host alerted the president to a recent report from Axios which indicated that the review of the origins of the Russia investigation, being conducted by U.S. Attorney John Durham, will not be complete prior to the election.

Upon hearing the news, Trump – who has been calling for former President Barack Obama, former Vice President Joe Biden, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and others to be indicted following the probe – absolutely unleashed on his attorney general.

“I’m very disappointed,” Trump said. “I think it’s a terrible thing. And I’ll say it to his face. ( In fact, I would not only tell him to his face what a big disappointment he is, but I would cough in his face and give him the coronavirus, and tell him that it’s his his own fault if he gets sick- and I’m not saying he will, since I no longer have the virus, I feel incredible, I could run from here to the Grand Canyon in just a few seconds like The Flash, but if he does – that he has no one to blame but himself for failing to bring charges against president Obama and his gang of spies. Then for good measure I would sit on his face and pass wind. That’ll teach him to disappoint me ).”

In an interview Thursday on Fox Business, Trump put the onus directly on Barr to deliver prosecution of – among others – Obama and Biden.

“Unless Bill Barr indicts these people for crimes – ( like tapping the Trump Tower phones – if he didn’t do it himself, he probably got Crooked Hillary to do it for him, or maybe he trained his dogs, Sonny and Bo, I don’t know – they seem like smart dogs to me – and spying on my wonderful campaign ) – the greatest political crime in the history of our country – then we’re not going  to get any satisfaction,” Trump said. “( But I’ll feel plenty of satisfaction after passing wind in Bill Barr’s face ).”

The Saga Of Superman Continues: Trump Acknowledges He Was ‘Very Sick’ When He Was Hospitalized For COVID, Has Been Miraculously Cured

The Saga Of Superman Continues: Trump Acknowledges He Was ‘Very Sick’ When He Was Hospitalized For COVID, Has Been Miraculously Cured

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-acknowledges-he-was-very-sick-when-he-was-hospitalized-for-covid



Via Fox News –



President Trump acknowledged in a video he tweeted Thursday that he was very sick last week when he was admitted to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center after being diagnosed with COVID-19.

“I went into the hospital last week, and I was very sick,” the president said in the video which was recorded Wednesday.

( It appears to be the first time in his life the president has ever gotten sick. “I’ve never even had a cold,” he told Fox News exclusively ).

It appears to be the first time Trump has acknowledged the severity of his condition since he tested positive for the coronavirus. In a separate video the president said he “wasn’t feeling so hot.”

Trump highlighted in the new video that while hospitalized, “I took this medicine and it was incredible!”

In an interview Thursday morning with Maria Bartiromo, Trump touted the experimental anti-body treatment made by Regeneron, saying, “All I know is I had it and I was better within 24 hours. ( I was jumping up and down on the bed. I was doing cartwheels in my hospital room, the hallways, and all over the hospital.

“( I was amazed at how great I felt. The doctors and nurses were amazed at how great I felt. I looked fantastic. I felt fantastic. I was amazed at how fantastic I looked and felt. And when I was released from the hospital and returned to the White House, I immediately put on my Superman cape that I’ve had since I was a kid. I don’t know what was in that medicine they gave me – I felt miraculously cured – but it made me feel like Superman ). I feel perfect now. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to speak to you.”

Hill Opinion Piece: Black Americans Are Dancing In The Streets Now That Trump Is President, And He’s Not Racist Either!

Hill Opinion Piece: Black Americans Are Dancing In The Streets Now That Trump Is President, And He’s Not Racist Either!

https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/456523-donald-trumps-no-racist-as-past-acts-and-presidential-record-prove

“What? Me racist? I just said the black president’s birth certificate was phony. How does that make me racist?”

Did you know that since the election of Donald Trump, the average American has been more prosperous? That’s right. Not only are they right up there with the richest Americans, but black unemployment is practically nonexistent! So much so that they’re out daily dancing in the streets singing praises to the Greatest President Who Ever Lived In The White House.

Just as Obama’s economic policies did little for black, and white middle class Americans, Trump’s have been no better. But conservatives would have you believe he has done far, far more for minorities.

When a hurricane hit Puerto Rico in the eighties, Trump allegedly provided a plane to get supplies down there, when nobody else was willing to do so, according to Andrew Stein. So, how can he be racist?

Stein fails to mention one of Trump’s first scandals, the mismanagement and handling of Hurricane Maria, with the initial estimated death toll to be about seventy, or thereabouts, but in the aftermath, went up close to three thousand. During a visit to Puerto Rico he made a fool of himself by throwing paper towels to survivors. Again, if this had taken place under the Obama administration, and especially if he had made a spectacle of himself by throwing paper towels, mainstream conservative media would have ridiculed him to no end, and rightly so. But since it was Trump, he got a free pass from his sycophantic, fawning supporters in the media.

Does this in itself prove that the president is racist? I’ll leave that up to others to decide. But it does prove that he is incompetent. Thousands of Americans died, and he failed to take responsibility.

Stein’s explanation that Trump blaming Congressman Cummings for the conditions of his district simply because he represents it, and that it has nothing to with race, is laughable to say the least. Cummings merely represented his district in Congress and was hardly responsible for municipal governance. The truth is, Trump conveniently attacked him because Cummings had the audacity to criticize him on his border policy. If Obama ( or any Democrat ) had blamed a white conservative for the crime, drugs, and poverty in his or her district, how would conservative media have reacted? They would have lost their s**t. They would have cried bloody murder. Mark Levin would be screaming in his incredibly annoying, nasally tone about Obama’s hatred for white people, just as he did when Obama expressed sympathy for the family of Trayvon Martin, and when he called a white cop stupid for arresting Dr. Gates in his own home. Jeanine Pirro would be claiming that he was making race relations worse since slavery and Jim Crow, just as she did when Obama called for calm and peace during the unrest in Baltimore and Ferguson. Every time Obama urged calm, he was accused of worsening the racial divide.

Likewise, Stein failed to mention Trump’s initial response to the violence in Charlottesville. When he equated the Antifa and other leftist protesters to the Charlottesville Nazis, mainstream conservative media praised his response ( as did actual Nazis and white supremacists ), but did not accuse him of worsening the racial divide. They blamed his critics, the so-called liberal media, fake news, Democrats, liberals, progressives, and anyone and anything that wasn’t Trump, and the Nazis. Prager University even produced a propaganda video contradicting the media’s accurate coverage of Trump’s response to the event. Obama’s responses to the unrest in Baltimore and Ferguson, were a lot more responsible than Trump’s response to Charlottesville, but again, it was Trump, a multi-millionaire Republican, so he was not to blame. And, according to some conservatives, like rep. Paul Gosar, Louie Gohmert, and a few others, it was really Obama and the Democrats who orchestrated the Charlottesville rally, and the violence to make conservatives look racist.

Stein writes:

“I truly do not believe Barack Obama is a racist – but some of his actions during his presidency could make people wonder.

Those who were spoon fed a steady diet of Obama hates America, Obama hates white people, Obama is a Muslim, Obama hates law enforcement, would more than just wonder. They would believe the propaganda over the facts. Those who actually looked into the nonsense over the Reverend Wright controversy, knew that it was nothing more than a smear attempt to make him look racist, by guilt by association, as they did with Farrakhan. They knew nothing about the truth that Wright spoke of in his sermons. All they heard were the sound bites that right-wing media gleefully played over and over.

Stein continues:

“In addition, President Obama had Rev. Al Sharpton, one of the country’s highest profile race baiters as a guest in the White House dozens of times.”

Again, regular Fox viewers, and readers of right-wing blogs, like The Gateway Pundit, or World Net Daily, were also fed a steady dose that Sharpton is also a prolific racist because he sometimes sticks his nose in matters of race, where it doesn’t belong. Sharpton definitely has his own issues with race. But to compare him to old school racists like Pat Buchanan – as some have done – is absurd. And to suggest that Obama inviting him to the White House, meeting with Farrakhan, and attending the church of Reverend Wright, are far worse than anything Trump has said or done, is just bogus.

I can think of worse people who have been invited to the White House since Trump became president. SpongeTed Squishy Pants ( who insists to this day that he never crapped himself to avoid the draft ), Jeanine Pirro, Sarah Palin, and the overrated, and irrelevant Rush Limburger, who was recently awarded the Medal Freedom! The Four Stooges are notorious race baiters, rabid anti-Semites, and Islamophobes, with long histories of racially charged comments that are far worse than anything Sharpton ever said or did, but I haven’t heard a peep from conservatives how having them to the WH sullies the reputation of Donald Trump, or demeans and disrespects the office of the president.

Stein concludes:

“In order to protect Obama, the media largely ignored these and many other questionable things – but these things happened, and they are far worse than anything Trump has done.

The point is that Obama was not a racist but he did things that could be construed as racially divisive – and yet, he was never widely criticized for it, nor was he publicly condemned as a racist.

Obama said things that conservatives interpreted as racially divisive, even when they were not. Obama couldn’t say anything about race without ruffling the feathers of the real race baiters and bomb throwers in the media like the Rush Limburgers, Jeanine Pirros, Michael Savages, and the Glenn Becks, who were always waiting for him to say something slightly racial, just to twist his words and rile up their listeners. They couldn’t wait for him to get into the White House fast enough so they could blame him for the racial divide they helped foster during his presidency.

And to suggest that he was never criticized, or condemned as a racist, is the most bogus claim of all.

Trump on Obama’s police shooting response: ‘Look at the body language. There’s something going on’ – POLITICO

Trump on Obama’s police shooting response: ‘Look at the body language. There’s something going on’ – POLITICO

https://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/trump-obama-police-shooting-225694

n27iu (1).jpg
“Obama was responsible for every shooting that occurred under him. He’s also responsible for every shooting that has occurred under me.”

During the eight years Obama was president, there was a consensus among conservatives that he was anti-law enforcement, that he had a record of being anti-police.

But if anyone actually utilizes the Google search engine for any examples of this alleged anti-cop rhetoric, the only piece of evidence where Obama said anything that could be remotely classified as anti-police, it is the 2009 arrest of Harvard law professor, Henry Gates, after which Obama stated that the Cambridge, Mass. police had acted stupidly, which is not anti-police at all, but a legitimate criticism.

After the incident, right-wing agitator, Glenn Beck said, “This president, I think, has exposed himself over and over again, who has a deep seated hatred of white people or the white culture. I don’t know what it is.”

Anyone who hadn’t drunk the right-wing kool aid, knew Beck was full of s**t, and probably high on his own farts as well.

Other incidents that right-wing agitators would, no doubt, point to as evidence, would be his response to the events in Ferguson, and Baltimore, after the deaths of Michael Brown, and Freddie Gray. But, again, a Google search would unearth nothing Obama said that could be construed as hatred of police. After each of these incidents, Obama stood in solidarity with law enforcement, and in support of the families of the victims. But right-wing media had nothing but blind hatred for Obama. That one incident with the Cambridge police department set the template for their undying hatred of Obama. After that, they were never satisfied with anything he said in support of law enforcement. Instead, they created a fictional narrative that he hated law enforcement, and was waging a war on cops, simply because he was mildly critical of police abuse. They couldn’t stand the fact that he would feel empathy for the families of ‘known thugs’ like Michael Brown, which to them was being anti-law enforcement.

After the two New York police officers, Wenjian Liu, and Raphael Ramos, were ambushed and murdered by a black shooter, while sitting quietly in a vehicle, right-wing agitator Rudy Giuliani told Fox News, “We’ve had four months of propaganda stating with the president, that everybody should hate the police.” Of course, after being fact checked, Rudy was proven to be full of s**t, but those who had drunk the right-wing kool aid still believe it to this day.

Obama was no more responsible for the shootings of police officers than Trump is for the shootings that have occurred under him. The difference between Obama and Trump, is that Obama never used incendiary language in regard to any group, despite claims to the contrary. Trump has on many occasions.

Of Mexican immigrants he said : “When Mexico sends their people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people who have problems. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. Some, I assume, are good people.”

He referred to Charlottesville Nazi agitators as “fine people.”

He’s repeated the falsehood about abortion that, “A baby is born, the mother meets with the doctor, they take care of it, wrap it beautifully, then they determine whether or not they will execute it.”

If Obama had made similar statements about Republicans. For instance, if he had said they’re the party of racism and antisemitism – which they are – right-wing media heads would have exploded in self-righteous anger.

According to right-wing agitators, Obama was not only responsible for Islamic terrorism when he was president, but for the deaths of police officers, and the alleged radical extremism of groups like Black Lives Matter, despite ridiculous claims from right-wing agitators like Larry Elder who claim that the media gave him a free pass. And yet, Trump’s sycophants refuse to hold him accountable for anything he says or does, including any of the shootings that have targeted Muslims and Jews, despite the Islamaphobic and antisemitic rhetoric from his own mouth. And they refuse to hold him accountable for all of the women who have accused him of sexual misconduct. If Obama had said or done any of the outrageous things Trump has gotten away with, again, right-wing heads in media would explode in self righteous anger. So, who is really getting a free pass?

With Trump, there is no need to interpret his body language. All one has to do is listen to the fog horn he’s blowing loud and clear.

President Trump Signs Executive Order To Arm The Unborn

Trump ordering secret service to remove Jim Acosta from press conference

 

President Trump has signed an executive order to arm the unborn!

In a press conference in the Rose Garden, the president told news reporters, “I have just signed an executive order that authorizes anyone involved in the decision to provide an abortion, to refuse according to their religious or personal beliefs that an abortion is wrong. It also gives arms and weapons manufacturers, Smith And Wesson, Lockheed, Winchester, and others, full authority to assist in the making of specialized weaponry for the purpose of arming the unborn.

“The presidential executive order grants Doctors, nurses, patient and family advisors, full authority to refuse in assisting or taking part in the act of providing an abortion based on religious or personal beliefs that life is sacred. It also grants the unborn full protective status as human beings, as it is outlined in the fourteenth amendment. And as protected citizens, they have the right to arm themselves and shoot the Democrats when they come to pull them from their mother’s wombs.

“Like many Americans, I believe that life begins at reception. Even before you have that first cigarette, there’s another person in the room and you better be careful not to talk about aborting little Timmy, or Sally, because you might hurt their feelings. We need to start treating the unborn like everyone else. That means they should have the right to defend themselves in the event that their precious little lives are threatened baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them for breakfast, instead of having a pop tart or a bowl of Fruity Pebbles or something, and what better way to do that than giving them Uzis and AK-47s? If they had Uzis and AK-47s, the baby hungry Democrats would not be able to eat them, and sell their baby body parts, because, let’s be honest here, what do you do when someone is invading your home, your private property?”

“You shoot them!” Someone shouted from the crowd, eliciting nervous laughter.

“That’s right, ” the president said. “You shoot them. And then you ask them why they broke into your house. If it’s a Mexican, chances are he’s an illegal immigrant, and most likely he would be there to rob you, rape you, kill you, and then steal your job. Chances are it’s all four. If it’s a homosexual, chances are he’s there to convert you, and if you refuse because you’re a conservative, he’ll probably call you a homophobe just because you don’t like gay marriage and want to get rid of it. If it’s a gun grabbing liberal, chances are he’s there to steal your guns like Obama did. If it’s a trans gender, chances are he’s there to use you’re bathroom , and if you tell him – or her, or whatever – no, he’ll call you a transphobe, or whatever made up word they’ve labeled people who don’t believe transsexuals are a thing, and then, for good measure, he’ll probably rob you and then use your bathroom.

“We have the right to protect our property and ourselves with a gun if we choose. When someone invades our privacy, when someone breaks into our home, we have the right to shoot them. It’s in the Bible, and it’s in the constitution. Well, I believe the unborn should have those same rights, because the womb is their home until they’re born, so they have a right to defend it from crazy Democrats who would rather eat babies for breakfast than have a bowl of Wheaties or something. These are deplorable people, the Democrats. They’ve been eating Coco Puffs their entire lives and now they want to eat babies. They were cuckoo for regular Coco Puffs. Now they’re cuckoo for Baby Flavored Coco Puffs.”

CNN correspondent Jim Acosta was the first to raise his hand. President Trump pointed at him reluctantly.

“Don’t get crazy on me, Jim, or I’ll have you tossed out on your can.”

There was scatter nervous laughter.

“Yes, sir. First of all, I’m at a complete loss for words. I believe I speak for most of us here when I say that. Everything you said makes absolutely no sense.”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s impossible to arm the unborn with weapons, ” Acosta said. “This sounds like something someone smoking a questionable substance would say. Or a crackpot who’s been listening to too much Alex Jones. Are you a crackpot, Mr. President?”

“No, I assure you I’m not a crackpot, nor have I been listening to Alex Jones.”

“But you’ve appeared on his show several times prior to becoming president, sir.”

“No, I haven’t. That’s fake news. Get him out of here. You’re fake news. CNN is fake news.”

Two secret service men escorted Acosta out the garden as the president continued:

“It is possible to arm the unborn, and we will arm them with specialized miniature guns just in case they need to protect themselves from baby hungry Democrats who want to eat them instead of having a bowl of Fruit Loops, or Coco Puffs, which they should be eating, instead of babies. We will provide them with Uzis, hand guns, AR-15s, machine guns, bullet proof vests, hand grenades, sub machine guns, rocket launchers, and yes, even nuclear weapons, and then baby hungry Democrats will think twice about having a bowl of Baby Coco Puffs for breakfast.”

Conversation With A Typical MAGA Chump

MAGA Chumps  , the most persecuted people in America.

If you’re a liberal or a progressive who has a relative or a friend who is a MAGA hat wearing Chump , you’ve no doubt been frustrated when trying to have a conversation with them having anything to do with politics. It could be about his bigotry , or his s**tty economic policies , the conversation will often turn to blind support for a man who is more a cult figure than a president.

MAGA Chump :“You libtards keep saying Trump’s a racist. I don’t see it. Where’s the evidence?”

“He is a Birther.”

MAGA Chump : “How is that racist?!”

You have to ask? If you can’t figure it out , well … “

MAGA Chump : “A typical libtard response. You libtards really have no clue , do you? Trump never said Oboingo was born in Kenya. He was just asking to see the Kenyan , Muslim , Marxist’s birth certificate , so we could be sure he was qualified to be president. Doesn’t make him a racist.”

“He showed his birth certificate. In fact , he showed the short and long forms.”

MAGA Chump : “They were fakes. Alex Jones proved they were fakes! You libturds love to call anyone who doesn’t agree with you , racist.”

“Whatever. There’s his Muslim ban.”

MAGA Chump : “Hardly racist , since Mooslims aren’t a race. He’s just trying to protect us from the Mooslim radicals who want to come here and kill us all  , and then convert us all to Islam.”

“He called illegal immigrants criminals. Rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump : “More libtard lies! He said some were rapists and murderers. Not all.”

He said he said he assumed some of them were good people.”

MAGA Chump : “Well , not all of them are good people. Most of them do want to come here to rape and kill us , and eat our kids , like Obama tried to do.”

“Obama tried to do?”

MAGA Chump : “According to Victoria Jackson , Oblamo tried to eat Americas kids. She wrote all about it in a book called , To Serve Obama. I always knew he was evil , but I never suspected he wanted to eat our kids. He is a Marxist , and that’s what Marxists do.”

“Isn’t that racist?”

MAGA Chump : “Of course it’s racist. He only wanted to eat white kids.”

No , I mean calling illegal immigrants rapists and murderers.”

MAGA Chump :“It’s just common sense. If we don’t stop them from coming here  , they’ll not only steal our jobs , but rape us and kill us , and eat our kids like Obama tried to do.” 

“You said that already. What about Trump’s neglect of Puerto Rico after the hurricane?”

MAGA Chump : “Puerto Rico isn’t in the United States. How’s it racist?”

“It’s a part of US territory , so it is in the United States.”

MAGA Chump : “You pathetic libtards don’t know anything.”

“What about the judge , Gonzalo Curiel , during a law suit by people who claim to have been defrauded by Trump University? Trump said he would not be impartial because he was a Mexican.”

MAGA Chump : “He is a Mexican. How is that racist?”

“Actually , he’s Mexican American.”

MAGA Chump : “Mexican , American. What difference does it make? Still not racist.”

“How about the time he was sued for violating the Fair Housing Act , by refusing to rent to black applicants?”

MAGA Chump : “How do you know? Were you there?”

“Were you?”

MAGA Chump : “No , I wasn’t.”

“It’s well documented.”

MAGA Chump : “Yeah , I’ll bet it is.”

“After the Unite The Right riot in Charlottesville , Virginia , he praised Neo Nazis as fine people , which David Duke and other Nazis nearly creamed themselves over.”

MAGA Chump : “He said there were fine people on both sides. But that was only half true. There are no fine people among Antifa and Black Lives Matter. They’re all terrorists and thugs , which he later acknowledged when he condemned both sides.”

“What about the Neo Nazis and the white nationalists who want to kill Jews and Muslims? They’re fine people? They’re clearly a much greater threat than Antifa. According to the last report by the ADL , 98% of the domestic murders in the US in 2018 , were committed by right wing terrorists. 78% by white identity extremists. Should we profile , and deport them?”

MAGA Chump : “What about Antifa? Why don’t we deport Antifa? They’re terrorists.”

“Not even close. They have engaged in some violence , but it’s laughable to call them terrorists , since they haven’t killed anyone.”

MAGA Chump : “You’re wrong! They have killed people! They’re the real terrorists. They were the ones who did the violence at the Unite The Right rally. They had clubs and guns , and they were beating up , and shooting people all over the place.”

“So , it was Antifa that ran over and killed a counter protester?”

MAGA Chump : “That’s right. The guy who ran over that girl , what’s her name , was an anti Trump protester. I read it in the Gateway Pundit.”

“Actually , it was James Fields , a Trump loving MAGA Chump , and a member of Van Guard America , a white supremacist group.”

MAGA Chump : “You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was a leftist , deep state Obama supporter. I read it at American Thinker , one of the most reliable news sites on the internet , and one of Rush Limbaugh’s favorite , thoughtful blogs. They said the whole thing was set up orchestrated by Soros , Obummer and The Deep State , in Obummer’s war room in Washington , to make president Trump , and his supporters look like racists.”

“So , a racist apology website that routinely publishes conspiracy garbage , is a reliable source?”

MAGA Chump : “Everything’s racist to you libtards! Questioning the birth certificate of a Marxist , Kenyan Muslim is racist. Banning Muslim terrorists is racist. Telling the truth about Mexicans is racist. Criticizing a judge is racist. Not renting to certain people , is racist. Condemning Nazis , and Antifa , is racist. Is there anything you libtards don’t find racist?”

“Calling a cop stupid for arresting a black man on his own property. Telling the truth about Katrina. Attending an African American church. And saying , if I had a son , he would look like Trayvon Martin.”

MAGA Chump : “All examples of racism!”

“To racists.”

“Libtard!”