Just days after crapping his pants on CNN, Corey Lewandowski contracted COVID. Apparently, even the coronavirus is tired of the behavior of Trump and his delusional lackeys attempting to steal the election, and has decided to take revenge. Many Republicans have fallen victim to the Democratic hoax called COVID, the latest being the president’s campaign advisor, who had tested positive last week.
Despite contracting a hoax, Lewandowski told CNBC that he feels great.
“I feel like a million bucks,” he said. “I can’t wait to get back out there and try to convince as many people as I can that the Democrats have stolen the election from president Trump. I’ve got my bullhorn, which I’ve been using to blast into the faces of snowflake Biden supporters who insist he won the election. They can be really annoying. They’re trying to get me to crap my pants again, but I refuse to let them get to me. Next time I go out there, I’ll be sure to wear my adult diapers just in case I have a…an accident. And if I do, I’ll hold Joe Biden responsible.”
“I had a great time at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping rally, though. In fact, I believe that’s where I was infected with COVID. But it’s alright. It’s just a hoax anyway. There are more important things to worry about, like holding the Democrats accountable for stealing the election.”
Other members of the Trump cheerleading team to come down with the COVID hoax, are Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, Trumpy Bear campaign advisor, David Bossie, Secretary of Urban Housing and Development Ben Carson, and White House Political Director Brian Jack.
All four attended the White House party the night of the election, where they got blind stinking drunk and puked all over each other, which is probably how they passed around the COVID hoax.
“I feel like a million bucks, too,” Meadows told CNN. “Although I felt like crap during the hangover, and it sucked getting puked on. My wife treated me like I got sprayed by a skunk and wouldn’t let me in the house. I had to shower outside with the garden hose.”
“Me too,” said David Bossie.
“Yeah, me three,” Sleepy Ben Carson said, then dozed off.
“Ditto,” affirmed Brian Jack.
Chief of Staff Richard Walters also tested positive for the COVID hoax, but did not attend the White House party. As the Washington Post reported, he contracted the hoax after his dog puked on him.