Mark Levin Really Loves His Teddy Bear Pillow

On a recent broadcast of his radio show, the Great One told his audience of seven: “This is an American company,” Levin said in the nasally voice that his listeners never seem to get tired of hearing.

“It is founded by and run by an American patriot. His name is Mike Lindell. People think he’s either a drunk, a lunatic or a patriot. I happen to fall into the category that think he’s a patriot. He’s a patriot because he supports Trump. People are trying to take him out because they don’t like his products. Did you know that, Mr. Producer?”

Mr. Producer: “No, I didn’t. Huh, how about that?”

“That’s right, Mr. Producer. It has nothing to do with any of this election stuff and that totally made-up riot at the Capitol. And you know what? It’s not going to work. I’ll tell you that right now. His products are great. He has every right to give his opinion, and I don’t care if anyone doesn’t believe a word he says.

“I don’t care if people believe he’s a liar or a lunatic! I don’t care if he can’t prove a word he says! It’s his opinion. He should be allowed to state his opinion. Shouldn’t he, Mr. Producer?”

Mr. Producer: “Check.”

“And you know what? He’s right. His word should be enough! And we should support him by buying his products.

“I think his six piece towel set is great, by the way. You know what they say? They say Trumpy Bear Won, Not Sleepy-Joe in red, white and blue lettering. They’re billed as patriot towels. How’s that for true American Patriotism? They’re the best towels I ever owned. They get me cleaner and dryer than any towel I ever used. Not like those wimpy towels made by those other guys. I wouldn’t wipe my bottom with those. They remind me of that trash bag commercial making fun of the weaker bags. Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

“My wife loves My Slippers. What’s that, Mr. Producer?”

Mr. Producer: “She loves your slippers?”

“I don’t have a pair of slippers,” Levin said. “My wife has My Slippers.”

Mr. Producer: “Are you trying to tell me your wife stole your slippers and won’t give them back?”

“No, Mr. Producer, you misunderstand. My wife has a pair of My Slippers, another great product produced by My Pillow, which also have the words Trumpy Bear Won, Not Sleepy-Joe in red, white and blue bold lettering. But, you what I like best?”

Mr. Producer: “What’s that?”

“My Teddy Bear Pillow, because whenever I’m upset about something, I get to cry myself to sleep, like I did the night Trump lost the election, and it works every time.”