California’s assault weapons ban, which has been in effect for thirty-two years, has just been overturned. A federal judge overturned that prohibition on Friday, which he referred to as “a failed experiment because it didn’t include bazookas, howitzers, machine guns, Swiss Army knives, and Swiss Miss cocoa.”
The last time the law was challenged was 2019 by James Miller, a California resident, and the San Diego County Gun Owners, which is a political action committee.
The federal judge, Roger Benitez of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of California said that the state’s penal code which defined assault weapons were unconstitutional and would be enjoined. He said the case was about “what should be a muscular Constitutional right and whether a state can force a gun policy choice that impinges on the right of “thirsty American citizens who want their guns and their Swiss Miss cocoa.”
“It should be an easy question and answer,” he said. “Government is not free to impose its own new policy choices on American citizens where Constitutional rights are concerned.”
The ridiculous judge said that none of the weapons banned under state law were “bazookas, howitzers, or machine guns, but “fairly ordinary, popular, modern rifles.”
California’s governor Gavin Newsom, criticized the ruling as a “direct threat to public safety and the lives of innocent Californians.”
He also criticized the opening lines of Benitez’s decision in which the judge claimed that like the Swiss Army knife – and a cup of Swiss Miss Cocoa – “the AR-15 is the perfect defense combination of home defense weapon and homeland defense equipment. As soon as you finish that first cup of Swiss Miss – like Folgers in your cup – you can whip out that Swiss Miss Army knife, and your AR-15, and you’re ready to blow away that liberal p***y who’s trying to break into your house to steal your guns. Then you can cut his heart out with your Swiss Miss Army knife and hang it on your mantle as a trophy. And when you’re done, you can celebrate with another hot, sweet cup of Swiss Miss.”
During a press conference Friday, Governor Newsome said, “Comparing an AR-15 to a Swiss Miss Army knife and a cup of Swiss Miss Cocoa, undermines the credibility of this decision, and frankly makes the honorable judge sound like a f***ing loon. Please excuse my French.
“It’s also a slap in the face to the families who have lost loved ones to this weapon – not to mention the millions of gallons of that God-awful cocoa they consumed.”
California’s Attorney General, Rob Bonta, also criticized Friday’s ruling in a written statement.
“Today’s decision is fundamentally flawed and we will be appealing it. There is no sound basis in law, fact, or common sense, for equating assault rifles with Swiss Army Knives or Swiss Miss hot chocolate, for that matter – especially on Gun Violence Awareness Day, and the recent shootings in California communities. It wasn’t Swiss Miss chocolate that killed those people, it was an ***hole with an AR-15. Please excuse my French.”
Second amendment fanatics all over California celebrated by buying tons of Swiss Army knives and Swiss Miss cocoa. In a matter of days, every store and supply chain that carried the two products , were sold out.
Sources: The Week, NY Times.