On a segment of Newsmax’s Greg Kelly Reports last week, the serious news host asked his viewers who the real president was, Joe Biden or his dog, Champ.
After putting up a photo of the president’s dog, a German Shepherd, Kelly said, “Look at this dog. A real mutt if I ever saw one. Now don’t get me wrong here, I love dogs. But this dog needs a bath, and a comb and all kinds of care… and maybe even some Old Spice after shave.
“I remember Buddy, I remember Millie, I remember lots of dogs, but I’ve never seen a mutt in the White House like this, which leaves me with a serious question.”
He then brought on two presidential historians and apparent experts on dogs.
“Craig Shirley and Doug Weed, welcome to the show. Does this dog look presidential to either of you?”
“Not like any dog I’ve ever seen in the White House before,” said Shirley.
“Me neither,” said Weed.
“The reason I ask is because if the president isn’t presidential – and he certainly isn’t – then who’s the real president? I mean he certainly doesn’t act presidential.”
“That’s right, Greg,” Shirley said. “It can’t be Joe Biden. He’s got too many disgusting habits to be a president. He falls asleep constantly, which is why everyone calls him Sleepy Joe, and more than once I’ve seen him pick his nose and look around furtively to see if anybody’s watching before sticking it in his mouth. And once I even saw a snot bubble come out of one his nostrils while he was laughing. It was huge, not one of those tiny bubbles. It was like watching a glass blower making glass. There were all these colors swirling around in it. I was terrified it might pop and splatter everyone around him with snot and boogers. But it didn’t. God, it was gross. He also looked around furtively then, too, hoping nobody saw it, but I saw it. It was gross.”
“I heard him pass wind once,” Weed chimed in. “That was even grosser. And he wasn’t looking around; he was laughing. Dogs don’t do that. Disgusting. So, my money’s on the dog. At least a dog is too dumb to realize how disgusting it is when it licks itself, or toots. What’s Joe’s excuse? I just hope he doesn’t start licking himself. That would really be gross!”
Everyone laughed. End of segment.