President Trump tweeted Tuesday that he was more popular than The Bachelor, and Monday Night Football.
According to Nielson, 15 million tuned into my press conference on the coronavirus briefing on CNN, MSNBC – both fake news – and Fox News – the only real news network. Wow! That’s way more people that tuned into the Bachelor and Monday Night Football! I’m a ratings hit! The fake news media is going crazy. If these ratings keep up I’ll be more popular than Fox News. Even they’re starting to get jealous.
Later that night the president appeared on Hannity where he continued boasting his ratings numbers, to the dismay of Sean Hannity.
“Did you see my ratings according to Nielson, Sean? They’re higher than any television sitcom show. They’re higher than Monday Night Football. Can you imagine how great a job I would do if they asked me to be a sports caster, Sean? I would be phenomenal. I would do a great job, just as I’m doing a great job with the corona virus.
“They’re higher than The Bachelor. When are they going ask me to be a bachelor, Sean? Imagine all the pussy I would grab!
“They’re higher than Saturday Night Live, where Alec Baldwin often plays me because he’s obviously such a great admirer. They’re higher than Access Hollywood, where I said I like to grab pussies. They’re higher than Meet The Press, which should be called Meet President Trump, and they’re higher than Fox News ratings any day of the week.”
“That’s great, Mr. President,” Hannity said. “I saw the tweet, and you’re right, of course. But the reason they we’re higher than Monday Night Football is because they’re currently not playing. Football season typically doesn’t start until August, and we’re not -“
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Sean. I watched a game just last week. It was the 49ers and the Giants. The 49ers won. That Joe Montana played a great game.”
“I’m pretty sure it was a rerun of one of last year’s games, Mr. President,” Hannity said. “And Joe Montana retired years ago.”
“You sound jealous, Sean.”
“Why would I be jealous, Mr. President?”
“Well, If my ratings get any higher no one will be watching Fox News anymore, and then what happens, Sean? I’ll tell you what happens. Everybody here at Fox News will be out out of a job, and then I’ll have to come in and save the day by keeping Fox News on the air. And then it’ll be a ratings wonder, unlike anything anyone’s ever seen.”
A momentary look of dismay crossed Sean Hannity’s face.
“Relax, Sean. I was just kidding.”
“Dear God, Mr. President!” Hannity said clutching his chest. “Please don’t do that! You almost gave me a heart attack!”