Dallas – Glenn Beck , host of the Glenn Beck radio and television show on the Blaze network , recently announced that he had divorced his second wife to marry Stu ( Sue ) Burguiere , who had also recently stunned his ( her ) co-workers with his ( her ) own announcement of a sex change operation.
Beck , who has four children , two from a previous marriage , said that his marriage had been in trouble for some time due to the fact that his co-host Stu Burguiere was now Sue Burguiere. In an interview with Gentlemen’s Quarterly magazine , he said , “She was extremely jealous of our working relationship. I told her there was nothing to worry about , but she wouldn’t listen. She said , ‘She’s no longer Stu. She might start hitting on you.’
” ‘That’s insane ,’ I said. ‘Stu – I mean Sue – isn’t interested in me. We’ve worked together for years. He’s – I mean she’s – never shown any interest in me before.’
“Man , was I ever wrong! Not only was he – I mean she – interested in me , but he – I mean she – was starting to show it in some weird ways , if you know what I mean. When there was no one else nearby , he/she would sometimes bat his/ her eyelashes at me and give me a sexy come hither look. It made me feel uncomfortable , because to me he – I mean she – was still Stu. That was how I thought of him – I mean her.
“Other times he/she would goose me , or grab my you know what in one hand and squeeze – hard. The last time he – or she – did it , I said ‘Stu – I mean Sue – what the hell is wrong with you?! You can’t do that! It’s very inappropriate! I’m your boss. I can fire you for doing that. Besides , you’re married.”
‘”So , a guy – I mean gal – can’t have a little fun? You won’t fire me.” He/she batted his/her eyelashes at me again. ‘You like it. Otherwise you would have fired me long ago.’
“He/she was right. God help me , I did like it! But it also made me very uncomfortable. This happened off and on over a number of weeks , and at the time , I had no idea that Stu – I mean Sue – was calling my house several times a week and hanging up , until one day my wife , Tania , called me and said ,’Someone’s been calling here , and hanging up. Is it Stu – I mean Sue? Are you two having an affair? I want a divorce!’
“And that’s basically how Stu – I mean Sue – and I got together , became a couple , whatever. I went home that night and we – Tania and me , not Stu and me – I mean Sue – whatever – argued all night , I mean we fought like cats and dogs. She was convinced I was having an affair with Stu – I mean Sue. Nothing I could say would convince her otherwise. A week later we were divorced. I was devastated. I moped around the studio in my bathrobe and slippers every day for weeks , too upset to do anything. Stu – I mean Sue – was the only I told about the divorce , and since the whole thing was his fault – I mean her fault – he/she was there with me through the ordeal. He – I mean she – offered to let me stay at his/her house a few days. I asked him – I mean her – if his/her wife , whatever , would object , and he /she said his/her wife , husband – whatever – had divorced him/her – too.
“We cried in each others arms that night. After the discomfort wore off , which was about six weeks later , I proposed.”
The happy couple was married in a small , private ceremony in the Blaze studios , attended by a few family and friends.
“When Glenn told me , I thought oh my God , this is even more creepy than Stu becoming a chick , transsexual , whatever ,” Dana Loesch said. “I never even suspected those two liked each other , much less were having an affair. But I was also relieved because I no longer had to worry about Stu – I mean Sue – hitting on me.”
“When I found out that Glenn was marrying Stu/Sue , whatever , I wanted to grab hold of him and shake some sense into him ,” Buck Sexton said. “What’s wrong with you dude? This isn’t like you! Why are you shacking up with another dude , whatever , dude?
“I was so disgusted I wrote a short poem about it : There was a dude named Stu , who is now a chick , broad , whatever , named Sue ; he , or she , whatever , works at The Blaze ; had a recent sex change ; never hit on Pat because he’s too fat ; but instead married Glen Beck which is strange.”
“I was jealous ,” Pat Gray said. “Ever since Stu became Sue , I wondered what it would be like to kiss those ruby-red lips of his – I mean hers – and see what he – I mean she – looked like in the nude. I’m still not a pervert! But I still think he/she – what-the-hell – ever – is cute.”